Tooth or Dare?

KAXE engineer Dan Houg takes one for the KAXE team today.

Heidi Holtan brought in homemade cookies today. Usually known for her baking prowess, these were rock hard.

"I think my butter to sugar ratio was off!" said Holtan.

Callers suggested microwaving the butter may have been the culprit and that placing a loaf of bread in the cookie container will make them soft by morning.

"The damage has been done!" says Houg. "My attorneys have been notified."

Tom and Chad's Web of Lies!

The Northern Observer exclusively reports that Saturday night On the River hosts Tom Cobb and Chad Brandt have repeatedly lied about their involvement in a local ring that is selling deer urine underground.

"It's my cologne! I swear" says the cool drink of water and music aficionado Chad Brandt. "My wife Michelle makes me wear it! It's sort of old-spicy... I've never sold it illegally, I swear!"

When asked about his involvement Cobb said, "When I was in the peace corps in Ecuador everyone carried something similar to deer urine. It had medicinal qualities and it fit in the little pocket of my man-purse!" Reporters from the Northern Observer, after the lengthy South American story said, "But Mr. Cobb, what is your involvement in the Rapids Urine ring?"

"Button? Button is hanging in the garage." This Northern Observer reporter feels both were evading the serious subject at hand.

Who's got the biggest noggin?

Does size matter? You better your giant head it does. KAXE's own Aaron Brown is weighing in against John Bauer in head size. Aaron couldn't find a tape measure so he used the belt on his robe to measure his cranium ... 38" or the size of 3 1-foot floor tiles. Is John's bigger? Stay tuned.

Head Games

Charges have been filed by the Judy Garland Museum in Grand Rapids, Minnesota against KAXE's John Bauer for vandalizing the Wizard of Oz mural. "A mural that allows you to put your head in an opening and be one of the Wizard of Oz characters. Apparently John maliciously destroyed the Tin Man opening with one flick of his battering-ram head. Bauer's attorney R.U. Liason stated, "John is sick and tired of hearing these rumors that he doesn't have a very big head. In his own sick way, John had to prove himself." said Contributions are being taken to rebuild the Wizard of Oz mural.

Holtan arrested!

Today's villain is Heidi Holtan. Heidi was arrested Friday afternoon by conservation officer Jack backer for aiding and abetting in the deaths of many small birds in Grand Rapids. A search warrant served at the Holtan/Cobb residence revealed many books on the subject of teaching your cat how to kill song birds. "This is preposterous! My cat Sweetie would never do anything like that let alone me," said Holtan. Click here to see excerpts from Heidi's "How To Teach Your Cat To Kill Song Birds" book.

Houg Admits He Loves the Ladies!

Today's villain is Dan Houg. Dan is in big trouble today after allegedly stealing nearly 400 issues of a new glossy woman's magazine that recently hit the news stands.

Houg was quoted as saying, "It really reflects the honesty of women and I for one applaud it! Women in Northern Minnesota are not only hardworking and talented, they are good-looking, except when they wear baseball hats! To be a devil's advocate, what if these women's magazines got in the hands of the wrong people? Plus, I'm researching a glossy-magazine burning vehicle."

Law enforcement agencies in four different counties in Northern Minnesota have placed an all-point-bulletin for the arrest of a man fitting the description of KAXE's engineer Dan Houg. If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Dan "Little Woman" Houg, please call (218) 326-1234. Click here to see sketch artist photos on Dan Houg

Hillary and Heidi both like Slaid!

Mainstream media failed to report Tuesday night after the Barack Obama political rally in Hibbing's Memorial Arena that Hillary took a few moments to talk music with KAXE staffer Heidi Holtan. As you can see in the photo, Holtan talked with Hillary behind the curtain.

"I couldn't believe that she had KAXE coming out of her earbuds. I thought it would be her speech or something!!"

Holtan went on to say, "Hillary and I differ on our taste in music. She's more jam-band than I am - like Phish and The Dead. We do both like Slaid Cleaves and The Wailin' Jennys!"

Due to limited time in Minnesota, Clinton did not have time to stop in at the KAXE studios. "I'm totally bummed!" said the lover of all things pants-suits, "I wanted to make it to the Wailin' Jenny's concert last August, but I've been totally overbooked. But mark me down for next summer's KAXE Mississippi River Festival - save a brat on a stick for me!"

Maggie Montgomery busted for Slim Jims!!

Undercover health inspector Jess E. James stopped by KAXE's studio this morning after carefully monitoring Maggie Montgomery's car for unethical eating habits. Montgomery hosts a Local Foods feature Wednesday mornings on KAXE preaching the values of growing and eating local foods.

A staunch vegetarian, Montgomery was busted at 12:44 Friday afternoon for eating a Slim Jim in her car during a break and littering. "This kind of activity is unacceptable. We need to clean up the streets of this type of activity. Who can you trust anymore," replied Officer James.

Maggie Montgomery was unavailable for comment.
Click here to see the actual Slim Jim bust

Money down the tubes!

In an effort to enhance her appearance on the radio (KAXE), she tapped into her husband's 401K without his approval.. "Heidi (see photo left) has nearly spent the $153,000 on hair coloring, pant-suits by Jaclyn Smith Collection at KMART, slacks at Target and a whole lot more. "I can't believe innocent Heidi would do such a thing to me ... to us! Our whole life-savings down the tube," said Mr. Cobb.

Gigi cleans kitchen and answers phones

KAXE volunteer Gigi (Gramma Greeley) spent some time in the KAXE kitchen tonight washing dishes.

"Ever since I learned from TV that I could soak my hands in palmolive and look younger I wash dishes all the time!"

Don't tell Gramma Greeley the Northern Observer told you but she is really 88 years old!

You go GiGi!

Jesse cures garlic breath

According to the Northern Observer, KAXE volunteer Jesse B-Side you can cure garlic breath with Dolly Parton albums, trips to Home Depot and pasties with rutabega.

Who Knew?

Jesse and Dolly, You Rock! And way to rock the KAXE man-purse Jesse!

Will We Ever Know???

Mark Johnson is the Executive Director of the Minnesota Deer Hunters Association and a member of KAXE. Last week Mark fulfilled a lifelong dream of shooting a 1,400 pound bull moose in the Boundary Waters area of Northern Minnesota. Conservation Officer Buck Hurd claims it's a hoax! "I closely monitor this section of the forest where Johnson claimed to have shot the moose and no shots have been fired in at least a month! It's sad to say but I think this pathetic hunter actually used Photoshop to make this picture look authentic," said Hurd. Click here to see more fake photos of Mark Johnson's alleged moose.

Baseball History is Made!!!

The Negro Baseball League Museum revealed today that KAXE Members Joe & Susan Gnoza of Hibbing, Minnesota made history in 1932 when they broke the color barrier by being the first white people to play for the Homestead Grays. "We are extremely proud and honored for being acknowledged by the Negro league," said Joe Gnoza. The Homestead Grays were considered the most storied franchise formed by Cumberland Posey in 1912. "I remember Mr. Posey talking to me after my high school baseball game after hitting back-to-back grand slam homers. he said the Grays need someone that can hit the dinger and if I was interested in playing," stated Susan Gnoza. If you'd like a Homestead Grays Negro League baseball cap, all you have to do today is pledge at any level.. Click here to see the Gnoza's baseball card.

Here They Come...

Music industry sources reveal Mark Tarner's plan to change Currents to an all Monkees format. Lenny Bronstein of Heavy Lenny Productions has taped a phone conversation with Tarner stating that he wishes to feature only the music of Davy Jones, Peter Tork, Mickey Dolentz, and Mike Nesmith. However, he may be open to the idea of having a monkey co-host. Monkeys being considered include J. Fred Muggs and King Kong. Songs you may hear include "Pleasant Valley Sunday" and "Last Train to Clarksville."

Is a Rose still a Rose???

Stephanie Rose was arrested late last night after a three month sting investigation revealed that Stephanie is the leader of a nationwide group of blondes who sell counterfeit Coach Bags around the world. "A search warrant to Stephanie's home/office overturned 91 bags and leather stamping tools with the word Coach on the them," said investigating officer Straps. Click here to see crime scene photos

AUDIO AVAILABLE: Nature Headlines from the Northern Observer!

Click here to listen to Nature News from Oct 21st w/ the Northern Observer, including "John Latimer falsifies 25 years of Phenology," "Woolly Bear Caterpillar conspiracy revealed," "Black Bears migrate," and "State Officers raid local diner."

Polka 'til you Puke!

Unlike previous reports, Karen O is NOT a pole-dancer. She is a polka dancer. And she is showing us how. Introducing the Polka Ladies of KAXE...Karen, Catherine, Nicole, Kristina and Heidi! Helpful hint from Karen: KEEP YOUR MOUTH OPEN!!!

Tom's Trail Camera

Tom Cobb stopped by for a visit On The River w/Karen, Catherine and Heidi. Allegedly, while sharing a tent with the gals during the summer fundraiser, Tom turned on the surveillance camera. These were submitted.

Tuesdays Headlines AUDIO now available!

Click here to listen to Headlines for Tuesday, Oct 21st w/ the Northern Observer, including mind blowing stories such as " Jennifer Poenix throws away Beatles records," "Jimbo escapes to Playa da Carmen Mexico after allegations of cow-tipping in rural Effie," "Rev Dave further offends the Pope" and " Doug MacRostie prefers Wisconsin music."

Boese revealed!!!

Back in the year of 1918, a bearded, saintly, old man with foot-scrappers to sell, called on Eric Enstrom at his photography studio in the tiny mining town of Bovey, Minnesota. From that encounter came the world-famous photo Picture Grace. DNA evidence now proves it was actually KAXE's own Don Boese who was the subject of that photo. Click her for DNA results